S. Dangler, Published Author?

As I headed off into the insane world of Match.com, my friend suggested that I write a book about my adventures. Case in point:

My first date that I set up was a coffee date at Starbucks. We met at the Winter Park location, similar to the haymarket or the old market. Nice, cute, and plenty of opportunities to extend the date should it go well. He seemed nice and looked cute, in that shy, nerdy way. (Picture Clark Kent.) I walked in the door and well, Clark Kent looked much better in his pictures. I was still up for good conversation, but unfortunately for CK, there was no attraction on my part. Saying hello and walking up to the counter may very well have been the most awkward meeting in the history of time. The only circumstances that may surpass it would be the "Hi, I'm the woman with whom your husband is cheating."

I ordered my black coffee and he partook of some sort of sissy drink. I should have walked out as soon as he ordered, but I like my sissy drink every now and then, too. We sat in the corner table, surrounded by the big cushy chairs (both empty) and the table next to us was occupied by a guy with a laptop. As we started to talk, I tried to keep it light. Films, music, education and other lame background details. Everything he said was spoken with the same intensity that a doctor uses to describe a condition you were just diagnosed with: "Now Stacey, I don't want to scare you, but this condition can lead to very serious issues should you ignore it. I would suggest that you read these materials and if you would like, I can suggest someone for you to speak to about it.

Blech. I'm pretty sure he thought he was attentive and intent upon our conversation, but I felt that it was kinda creepy. In an hour and fifteen minutes, he mentioned that he wants to raise kids in Georgia, he would like to visit my home (the Midwest), and was really glad to hear that I like NYC. He also mentioned that he was in a place in his life where he is ready to settle down. About midway through this conversation, I felt like I was being watched. (Not in the creepy hawk-like manner that my date was, but more in a peering over your shoulder to see your test answers kind or way.) The laptop guy at the next table was staring at us and listening to our awkward, obviously first-date conversation. I nearly said, "Look, this is awkward enough, so if you would like to have a separate awkward conversation with me, here's my phone number."

Our date ended with his pitching of a second date. "I still haven't been to the theater here and really want to see Movie A..." "I have been meaning to check out the theater here..."

I brushed them off and bailed out fast. Good thing he had to go to work. I nearly cried on the way home. It was amazingly awful! When I got home, I waited about two days then sent him a brush off note. I just about gave up on the whole Match.com thing, but I always believe in second chances. (Well, almost always.)